Why won’t my child eat?!

Watching someone you care about struggle with food can feel frightening, frustrating and heartbreaking. When it’s your child, these emotions are even more heightened and it can feel genuinely terrifying to witness.

You might feel like you’re walking on eggshells, worried about saying and doing the wrong thing.

There’s no perfect way to support someone with an eating disorder. But there are ways to be helpful, compassionate, and safe, even when things feel hard.

First it helps to understand this

Eating disorders are not just about food. They’re not purely psychological either.

For some people, there is a biological vulnerability. When food is restricted, their nervous system responds differently. Instead of feeling agitated or distressed, restriction can bring a sense of calm, clarity or safety. This isn’t a choice; it’s a neurobiological response.

This is why it’s common to find that what started out as a seemingly innocent diet or stress related restriction, escalates into something more serious.

Over time, restriction can:

·        Alter hunger and fullness cues

·        Change how the brain responds to food

·        Reduce anxiety in the short term

·        Reinforce the behaviour because it feels regulating

In other words, the eating difficulty can begin to feel like a solution, not a problem.

Of course, alongside this biological response, there is also plenty of psychology at play. Eating disorders often develop alongside emotional distress, trauma, perfectionism or a need for control. It’s very common to see low self esteem amongst those effected.

The biological and emotional aspects become tightly intertwined, reinforcing the other.

This is why:

·        “Just eat it” doesn’t work

·        Logic and reassurance often fall flat

·        Change can feel genuinely threatening, even when the risks are understood

Eating disorders are not rational. So, arguing with the irrational eating disorder thoughts is a frustrating trap parents often fall into.

Understanding this can help shift the focus from blame or frustration to compassion and patience.

The best way forward is to connect with the person beneath the eating disorder.

In a series of upcoming blogs, I will lay out some tools for how to do this.

However, if you are struggling right now, I urge you to get in touch for my family eating disorder support services.

You don’t have to do this alone.