How can I help my child with an eating disorder?
We’ve briefly explored the why’s and wherefores of disordered eating, now I imagine you want to know how you can help.
1. Stay calm and compassionate
Your tone matters just as much as your words.
Try to approach conversations from a place of support rather than fear or frustration. Even when you’re worried, staying calm helps the other person feel safer and less judged.
Phrases like:
“I’m really glad you told me.”
“I care about you and will support you through this.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone, I’m here and on your side.”
“What can I do to make this easier for you?”
Can make a big difference.
Eating disorders often come with lots of shame, so anything you can do to reduce that is incredibly helpful.
2. Focus on feelings, not food
It’s natural to notice eating habits, but constant comments about food can increase shame and anxiety and result in more secrets around food.
Instead of:
“You need to eat more”
“Why won’t you just try?”
Try focusing on emotions:
“Things seem hard at the moment, do you want to talk about it?”
All behaviour with children and young people is communication. Even behaviour around food. Try connecting with what’s underneath that behaviour instead of staying with purely the food and their relationship to it.
This keeps the conversation connected to what’s really going on.
3. Be consistent, not perfect
Support doesn’t mean saying the right thing every time.
You might get it wrong. You might feel frustrated. That’s human. What matters most is being steady, reliable and caring over time.
Knowing that you’re still there, even after difficult moments, can feel incredibly reassuring and grounding.
For someone with an eating disorder, their nervous system is often in a state of fight or flight, they can feel scared and panicked. It is very difficult to eat in this state.
Be the antidote to that panic by maintaining a calm presence at mealtimes, displaying that you know food and eating is safe.
4. What often doesn’t help (even though it’s well meant)
Commenting on weight, appearance, or how “well” they look,
Praising eating or criticising not eating
Using guilt, fear, or threats to motivate change
Comparing them to others
Minimising the problem (“it’s just a phase”)
These responses can increase shame and push the struggle further underground.
5. Supporting yourself matters too
Caring about someone with an eating disorder can be exhausting and emotionally draining. You might feel helpless, scared or unsure where to turn.
It’s ok to:
Set boundaries
Ask for your own support
Acknowledge how hard this is for you
Do things for yourself that support your own wellbeing
You don’t have to carry it all on your own.
6. A gentle reminder
Recovery is very rarely quick or linear. There may be progress, setbacks, and uncertainty on the way.
It does not mean you’ve failed if you experience these things. Your role is to care, stay connected, and to help create enough safety for change to become possible.
If you’re supporting someone who is struggling counselling can help explore the emotional roots of eating difficulties in a compassionate, non-judgemental way.
Support can also help families and loved ones understand how best to help without feeling overwhelmed.
I offer sessions for both family members who are concerned, as well as sessions for young people (and adults) experiencing an eating disorder. My family support packages offer a deep dive into what’s going on for your child and your family and create a bespoke plan for moving forward.